All That Is Left
by Chasswozzler
Summary: It was four years ago that Grace broke Luke’s heart. Now, returning to Arcadia for Joan and Adam’s wedding, she must face him and the damage she left behind.
1. Default Chapter

**Title: **All That Is Left

**Author:** chasswozzler

**Rating: **PG-13

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing.

**Summary: **It was four years ago that Grace broke Luke's heart. Now, returning to Arcadia for Joan and Adam's wedding, she must face him and the damage she left behind.

**Notes:** This story kinda lodged itself in my head and wouldn't go away. Odd, since I don't usually like to write the serious stuff. Still, thought I'd give it a try. Please review and give me any pointers you think I need. You can even jam said pointers into my eye if you think I need it. Enjoy!

The snow had stopped falling as Luke pulled his car into the driveway. It had been coming down pretty heavily for most of the drive from Cambridge to Arcadia and he'd held out some hope that they might be snowed in and unable to make the journey. That was not the case however and he silently cursed his luck as he sat there, gazing at his parents' house. In the last four years he'd only been back here a handful of times and never for very long. There were too many memories in this house, this town. Whenever he was here, it felt like he couldn't enter a room or walk down a street without being haunted by some remembrance of _her_. MIT was different. It was new, sterile, untainted by memories. While he was there, Luke could go whole stretches without having to think about her, he could almost pretend that his past didn't exist. That wasn't something he could do in Arcadia and that was why he avoided coming back here as much as possible. Unfortunately, this time, it hadn't been possible.

Penny sat in the passenger's seat, waiting for Luke to come out of his reverie. She knew that Luke was not comfortable being back in his hometown, although she didn't know exactly why. They had known each other for almost four years, been pretty tight for the last two, but there were still things that they didn't discuss. The past was an area that neither of them liked to talk about. Respect for each other's privacy was actually one of the cornerstones of their friendship. Staring at him now though, as he looked with trepidation at his parents' house, Penny couldn't help but wonder what exactly it was that he tried so hard to bury. Reaching over, she gently placed her hand on his shoulder, "C'mon Luke, we should probably get in there."

Nodding slightly, Luke pulled the keys from the ignition and opened the car door. Stepping out into the cold night air, he let out a long, tired sigh and moved around to the back of the car. Popping the trunk, he grabbed the suitcases, deciding to leave the wedding present in the car for now. The wedding was the reason he was back in this town. His mother, through numerous phone calls, had extracted a promise that he would be here, that no "last minute emergency" would cancel his trip, like so many other times before. Joan and Adam were finally tying the knot and she was insistent that Luke be in attendance. So here he was, back in Arcadia for the wedding of Joan Girardi and Adam Rove. Looking over at Penny, he was suddenly very glad that she had agreed to come to this thing with him. It would be good to have a reminder of his life outside of Arcadia, of the safe haven he could escape back to when this week was done. That was especially important since Grace was most likely going to be attending the wedding as well. He would have to see her again, talk to her again. There had been times in the first couple of years after their break-up that he would have given anything to speak to her. Now, after four years, Luke felt he had nothing to say.

Standing on the porch, he turned to Penny and motioned to a nearby plant potter. "I'll give you all my study notes for the rest of the year if you smash that thing over my head, preferably putting me in a coma."He sounded as if he was only half-joking.

"Not that I'm not tempted Luke," Penny replied, "but I'm a guest here and guests don't go about smashing people's planters or heads for that matter. Besides, you'll give me your notes anyways." Turning serious for a moment, she lightly squeezed his hand. "It's just for a few days, then you'll be back in the lab, pretending the rest of the world doesn't exist."

Squaring his shoulders, Luke reached for the doorknob. Pushing open the front door the called out, "We're here!" in a voice that carried into the house. As he crossed the threshold, Penny could hear him mutter to himself "Let the games begin."

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Grace Polk flipped idly through the channels on her father's television set. There was nothing on but infomercials, reality shows and soppy teen dramas. Turning off the TV, she cast a critical eye around the room. It was almost exactly like it had been when she'd left for university five years previously. She'd been back quite a few times in the past few years and she was always struck by the seeming unchanging nature of home. Looking around the house it appeared as if the intervening half-decade hadn't happened.

Moving into the kitchen, she poured herself a glass of water and glanced at the refrigerator. Stuck to the door with a small magnet was a note with phone and room number. There was no label on the note, but Grace knew it was the phone number of Cedar Springs Rehabilitation Clinic and the room number was where her mother would be staying for the next few weeks. This was her third attempt in as many years to dry out and although she desperately wanted her mother to succeed, Grace wasn't getting her hopes up. Like the decor of the living room, some things didn't change.

Her father had gone to bed a little while ago, citing a migraine. It was still early-evening and Grace was left to her own devices. There was a get-together planned for family and some friends at the Girardi house tonight. "A kind of rehearsal for the rehearsal dinner." Joan had joked. Grace had begged off, saying she was going to spend some time with her dad. She hated going to these types of things and if it wasn't for the fact that it was Adam and Joan, Grace wouldn't even have bothered coming to the wedding. Besides, she had other reasons for wanting to avoid the Girardi house.

Walking back into the living room, Grace stopped to gaze at the photos her parents kept on the mantle. There was a picture of her parents' wedding, baby pictures of Grace, a photo of her graduating highschool and another of her graduating university. It was one photo however, that held her gaze. Taken at her Bat Mitzvah it showed Grace with her friends Adam, Joan and Luke. Luke's arm was curled around her waist and they were both smiling. Knowing what a sad reminder this photo was, Grace's father usually put it away whenever she came home. This time however, he seemed to have forgotten. She'd wanted him to get rid of it altogether, but there were few photos from her Bat Mitzvah that had actually turned out, so he wouldn't throw it away. Truth be told, Rabbi Polonski kept the photo mainly because it showed Grace smiling in a way he hadn't seen her do much of in the last few years.

Staring at the photo, Grace shook her head. Nearly four years had passed since she had broken it off with Luke. It hadn't been easy, but she had been convinced it was the right thing to do. There had been a whole world out there and she wasn't going to be tied down to anything. In the last four years she had done so much, seen so many things. Would that have been possible if she'd stayed with him? No, what she had done might have been painful, but it had been the best thing for both of them.

Telling this to herself yet again, Grace grabbed her car keys off the hall table. She would go over to the Girardis' house and join the little get-together. She would make conversation with everyone and enjoy the celebration of the wedding of her two best childhood friends. It might be a bit uncomfortable seeing Luke after all this time, but she was confident that they could get past it. She'd moved on in the last four years and she was sure he had too. Hell, Joan had told her that he was even bringing someone to the wedding. It would be good to see him again. She missed his bright smile and easy laugh. She even missed the way he babbled about science. They would talk and perhaps even laugh about old times.

Pulling on her well-worn leather jacket, Grace opened the front door, feeling the chill of the winter evening. It would be fun, she reassured herself. There wouldn't be drama or pain and certainly there would be no feelings of regret. That was how it was going to be.

Turning the keys in the ignition and listening to the engine roar to life, Grace almost felt as if she had herself convinced.

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

**Title:** All That Is Left

Chapter 2

_Five years ago..._

_Grace and Luke lay naked on his bed, a sheet barely covering them. Luke's head rests on Grace's stomach as she idly runs her hands through his hair. "I'm going to miss this when I leave in a month." she muses. _

_Luke looks up at her from his vantage point on her stomach, "You better." he says. His tone is light, but it is obvious that there is concern and tension in his words._

"_Don't worry Freak, I'm not going to forget about you once I go to university." She taps him lightly on the forehead, showing her contempt for that particular fear._

"_You can't promise these things Grace, it's a long way away and..." Luke's words trail off as Grace grabs his shoulders and pulls him up to face her. _

"_Are your feelings going to change because I'm so far away" she asks him, a challenge in her voice._

"_Of course not!" Luke protests, "I love you Grace, that's not going to change!"_

"_Then don't think it will for me either. I don't just tell anybody that I love them, so have some respect for that. You and me together Luke, that's the way it's going to stay." Kissing him deeply, she pulls back with a twinkle in her eye. "Now stop this stupid worrying...because I was planning on having sex with you again before your parents get home. Or do you want to continue with the Top 10 list of your baseless fears?"_

_Not bothering to respond, Luke slides his hands around her body and pulls her close, crushing his lips against hers._

Luke dismissed the memory as he opened the door to his childhood bedroom. Almost nothing had changed in the four years since he moved out. His parents had left things almost exactly as they were. There were a few boxes piled in a corner, stuff they needed to store and didn't have the space for anywhere else, but other then that, it was like stepping into a time warp.

Coming in behind him,Penny took in the room. "So this is where you spent your larval stage...interesting." Walking slowly around the room, she examined the different pictures and objects from Luke's teenage years."We're both sleeping in here?"

"Sorry about that." Luke apologized as he brought their suitcases into the room. "When I told my mom that I'd be bringing you, she got the mistaken impression that we're dating or something." The two looked at one another and shared a short chuckle. "Don't worry, I set her straight. Told her that there is no way that you and I are together."

"Luke, I'm hurt!" Penny mock pouted, "Don't you even find me the least bit attractive?" Luke just shook his head and gave a small smile, "Not in the least my dear."

It was an old joke. There had never been anything even remotely romantic between them. For Penny, it was because she wasn't into guys. For Luke, well, he rarely ever dated, if you could even call it that, and Penny was not his type.

"Still, " he continued, "we'll have to sleep in here because there's no other available space in the house. I didn't think you'd mind." Luke glanced at Penny, but it didn't seem as if she was about to object. "I'll go get some fresh towels and stuff for us. Back in a minute."

Penny watched as he walked out, then turned her attention back to her examination of the room. She saw several pictures of him from different points in his childhood. There were shots of him with his siblings, winning an eighth grade science fair, standing beside his first car. In all of them, he had an easy, open smile that Penny had trouble reconciling with the man she knew.

For the more than three years she had known Luke, most people had regarded him as something of a "cold fish". Everyone in the physics department at MIT knew he was a brilliant scientist, top of all his classes, but he was also regarded as a loner. Luke was invariably polite and pleasant, but he had a guarded, cynical air about him that put a distance between him and others. There was always a sense with Luke that he had boundaries that no one would ever be allowed to cross. A girl in her class once referred to him as "force field boy", as if he was surrounded by an invisible, impenetrable shield that kept people away.

It was actually for these very reasons that Penny had gravitated towards him for lab work. Luke was a dream to work with. He was smart, driven and didn't get distracted by irrelevancies. She had never been one who liked to "share" her feelings or her past with people and Luke never pried or tried confiding his own secrets. Also, he never tried to hit on her which was a definite bonus. Some guys would constantly try to pick her up, despite knowing she was gay. In fact, some tried even harder when they knew, acting as if they would get a toaster-oven as a prize for "converting" her. That wasn't Luke. She always felt comfortable in his presence. Over the last two years they had developed a quiet friendship. They still didn't talk about their pasts or do any heavy confiding, but Penny knew she could depend on Luke and hoped he felt the same way. She figured he did, considering he'd asked her to come to this wedding with him. Penny had a feeling that this was not going to be an easy few days for Luke and she was glad that he felt he could rely on her for support.

"Here are the towels." Luke said as he came back into the room. "Also, I put some face cloths and hand towels in the bathroom for you. They're the yellow ones."

"Thanks." Penny replied as she moved to the door. "I'm going to use the bathroom for a minute, then we can go back down and make small talk with your family."

Standing alone in his room, Luke thought about how odd it felt to be back home. Altogether, in the last four years he hadn't spent more then three months here. Luke loved his family, but it just seemed easier to stay away. He had kept in contact with them. His mother insisted on a weekly phone call and his siblings usually called once or twice a month. They kept him apprised of what was happening in their lives and around town. Initially, they had all tried to broach the subject of Grace at one time or another. However, they quickly learned that he would not talk about her and that trying to make him do so always caused his phone to malfunction for several weeks. Even Joan, who kept in regular contact with Grace, never mentioned her anymore.

Listening to the sounds of the party downstairs, Luke was happy for his sister and Adam. They had found joy in each other and were probably going to be together for ever. He figured that for them, he could suffer through the next few days. As long as he limited his contact with Grace, then he might just make it.

"Ready Luke?" Penny's voice called from the hallway.

Moving to the door, Luke paused as if listening to an echo.

"_You and me together Luke, that's the way it's going to stay._"

Shaking his head, he closed the door behind him and went downstairs.

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Grace stood on the Girardis' porch, staring at Luke's car in the driveway. She remembered when he first got it, about 4 weeks after he graduated from highschool. It had been a joint purchase between Luke and his parents. He'd scraped together enough money for most of the down payment from summer jobs and Helen and Will had supplied the rest. Grace was pretty sure that Kevin had even kicked in a bit of cash. They had all been so proud of him for getting a scholarship to MIT.

Standing there, looking at the car, Grace couldn't help but think of that night more than four years ago.

_They had driven out to the park to look at the stars. Grace hadn't even mentioned that they could have easily walked and how bad driving such a short distance was for the environment. Luke was so happy and so proud of his car that she didn't want anything to spoil it._

_Sitting on the back bumper, they talked in low voices about the summer to come and plans for the year._

"_What about a cross-country road trip_? _Now that I have my own wheels, we could go anywhere._" _Luke was excited, spinning idea after idea._

"_That would take a bit longer then we have at the moment."_ _Grace reminded him. "Have you forgotten that you have to be in Cambridge for orientation in a few weeks?"_

"_No," Luke said, wrapping his arms around her, "I was talking about next summer. We could do it then."_

_Grace shifted uncomfortably, It made her worry sometimes, how much of the future he might have planned. "You know I don't plan that far ahead Geek boy. Let's stick to right now." _

"_I'm just saying Grace, we have all the time in the world." Pulling her close, Luke placed a kiss on her lips and hugged her tightly. Nestled into his shoulder, Luke couldn't see the slight frown that crossed her features as she agreed with him._

"_Of course we do." _

Turning away from both the car and memory, Grace took a deep breath and rang the door bell.

The door swung open and suddenly Joan was standing in front of her, a surprised smile on her face. "Grace!" she squealed, "You came." Joan wrapped Grace in an excited hug and pulled her into the house. "Can you believe I'm getting married in two days?"

Smiling at her friend, Grace just shook her head. "Blows my mind Girardi, but even back in highschool I knew you and Adam would end up together. After all the whining I had to listen to about your relationship...you better get married!"

Laughing, Joan led Grace over to where Adam was making conversation with someone she guessed was a distant Girardi relative. Seeing Grace approach, he excused himself from the conversation and walked over to her.

"Polk," he greeted her, smiling.

"Rove," she smiled back.

They stood like that for moment, beforeJoan enveloped the two of them in a hug. "It's so good to all be back together." she said, sounding slightly teary.

"I can't believe you're gonna marry this nutcase." Grace commented to Adam, as soon as Joan released them from her embrace.

"Sometimes I can't believe it either." Adam replied as he stared at Joan, a dreamy look crossing his face. With an "Awww" expression on her face, Joan leaned in to steal a kiss from her fiancé.

Looking away from this gross public display of affection, Grace glanced around the room. Luke was nowhere in sight. Glad that she'd have a few minutes to get comfortable before having to face him, she made her way around the room, speaking to various people whom she hadn't seen in a while.

After the break-up, Grace had stayed away from the Girardi home. She had wanted to avoid any possible contact with Luke and she doubted that the rest of his family would be too keen on having her around. Joan stayed her friend, accepting her decision, although even now, she would occasionally mention Luke and try to get Grace to talk about him. As for the rest of the family, the few times she had seen one of them, they treated her with a polite warmth. They weren't happy with how she'd hurt Luke, but they understood that things sometimes fall apart. This understanding made the party a lot easier for Grace. She could move from family member to family member, discussing light topics, without feeling as if she were an enemy. Still, at times during the evening she would catch Helen gazing at her with a sad look in her eyes and Grace couldn't help but feel a pang of guilt.

After making polite conversation for more than thrity minutes, Grace was about to head out to the porch for a breath of fresh air. Suddenly, Joan was by her side, grabbing her arm and leading her into the kitchen.

"Make it look like we're deep in conversation." she hurriedly whispered. "Adam's great uncle Isaac is coming this way and I know he wants to continue telling me about his goiter operation. You have to save me!"

"Relax Girardi," Grace said as they walked into the kitchen, "We'll go out to the backyard. He won't follow you out there in this weather. He's so old, he'd probably catch pneumonia in a second."

Pausing for Joan to put shoes on, Grace noticed a rather attractive young woman who was seemingly deep in conversation with Mr. Girardi. She was tall, with long red hair and a sprinkle of freckles across her nose. Her eyes flashed as she laughed at something Will said.

"Who's that?" Grace asked her friend.

"That's Penny, Luke's _date_." Joan answered in a conspiratorial whisper, "Although he claims they're not seeing each other. Who knows? It's almost impossible to get any information out of him anymore."

"She's not unfortunate looking." commented Grace, looking away from the girl as Penny suddenly turned her eyes towards her.

"Yah, if you have a thing for Pippy Longstockings!" Joan said. "Grace, Luke is my brother, but you're my friend and I am fully prepared to hate this woman for you."

"Not necessary Girardi" Grace told her, although she suddenly hoped that Joan wouldn't listen, "Your brother and I were over years ago. He can date whoever he wants. I hope they're happy." Her words were spoken with a sincerity that was only belied by the fact that she was clenching her fists inside the sleeves of her jacket. "Let's get some air."

Moving out the door, Grace could swear she felt the redhead's eyes on her and it took a great deal of effort not to glance back and check. She was concentrating so hard on not looking back, that she didn't register that there was someone else in the backyard besides her and Joan.

"Luke!" Joan cried in an overly cheery voice, "You're out here too!"

"Avoiding that Isaac guy." he said in a neutral voice, "I don't need to hear anymore about the proper method for draining more than a quart of puss." Luke shifted his gaze from his sister to the figure behind her. The night was already cold, but under his eyes Grace felt as if the temperature had dropped another ten degrees.

"Hello Grace."

TBC

**A/N:** Joan's "I am totally prepared to hate this woman for you" was inspired by a scene in BtVS.


	3. Chapter 3

**Title:** All That Is Left

**Notes: **Thanks for the reviews, the suggestions and the corrections.

Chapter 3

_Four years ago..._

"_I don't understand, Grace!"_

_They are on the doorstep of the Polonski home. Grace has just told him that_ _she doesn't want to see him anymore. That it's over. It's not going how she planned it in her head. She had wanted to do it quickly, cleanly, but he keeps trying to argue it with her, convince her to reconsider._

"_This is what's best for both us," she says, "Neither one of us needs to be tied down when we're so young!"_

"_But..."Luke is trying to form words, only his mind can't seem to function. It's all falling apart and he can't understand why. _

"_It'll be fine." she assures him, although she is also trying to reassure herself. The look of pain on his face is too much for her and she just wants this night to end. Why can't he just accept it? "We aren't meant to be. You'll find someone else..."_

_Luke grips her shoulder, making sure she is looking straight into his eyes, "I don't want anyone else! I love _you _Grace!_ _Do you hear me? I love you!"_

"_Stop saying that_!" _She pulls away from him. She hadn't expected it to hurt this much. Listening to his words, it feels like her insides are being torn_ _out. She shouldn't allow herself to be so effected by him, allow his emotions to hold so much sway in her life._ _Upset and confused, she falls back on old habits and feels the familiar defensive rage boil up_ _inside her. _

"_Get it through your head Girardi, it's over!" Grace knows she shouldn't be saying these things, but it seems so much easier to just be angry at him. "There is too much that I want to do, too many plans that I have for my life for me to give them up because of some guy!"_

_Luke bows his head under her barrage, unable to meet her eyes. Grace finds it easier now that he isn't looking at her. She continues her rant, needing to finish the job._

"_We had some good times, but there are more important things." She can't believe what she hears herself saying, but the rage has her, shielding her, and she lets it flow. "I can't let myself be held back by you, or this thing we have...had. It's over. Move on._" _Opening the front door, she turns to leave before her anger can desert her._

"_I thought you loved me." he says quietly._

"_Maybe I did," she responds, unable to look at him, "but it isn't enough." Almost choking on her last words, Grace moves inside the house and shuts the door._

"Hello Grace"

Pushing the memory of that night aside, Grace focussed on the here-and-now, on Luke standing before her. She noted that there have been some slight changes to his appearance, more muscle, no glasses, yet he still looked like the Luke she knew. However, there seemed to be something different about him, something unsettling about his presence that she couldn't quite put her finger on. Realizing that she still had not responded to his greeting, Grace turned her thoughts to navigating what she expected would be a difficult conversation.

"Luke," she said, striving for a normal tone," You're home for the wedding." Grace cursed silently at her inane comment. "Way to state the obvious Grace." she thought to herself.

"Wouldn't have missed it for the world." Luke replied evenly. "So how have you been?"

"Fine. Fine. Keeping busy." As Grace struggled to come up with more to say, something struck her about his posture. He wasn't tense. She was a bundles of nerves, but from the way he casually stood there, hands in his pockets, you would think that he didn't have a care in the world. "Just got back from a few months of work with an NGO in Cambodia."

"Good for you." Luke commented, sounding like he meant it, "By the way, it might be a little late, but congratulations on graduating."

"Thanks." said Grace weakly. Hoping that Joan might interject, Grace realized that her friend had taken the opportunity to slip back into the house. She was on her own. "So...how are things at MIT?"

As Luke gave her a brief rundown of the things he was working on, Grace tried get a grip on what she was feeling. She was definitely confused. Something wasn't right about this conversation. He was so calm, so...normal. Over the years, Grace had run numerous scenarios through her head of how it would be to face Luke again and this didn't match up with any of them. When she'd imagined it, she had always expected there to be turmoil. He would yell or cry, call her names or demand an apology. Now, when she actually met him after all this time...he makes banal small talk. She kept waiting for him to turn the conversation to more personal matters, but it never happened.

"Will your dad be coming to the wedding?" Luke asked.

"Sure." she replied.

Grace was feeling off-balance. She should be happy that the conversation was going so pleasantly, that there hadn't been a hint of drama, yet she found it more unsettling then anything else. Luke was talking to her like he'd met her at a bus stop, like she was one of the distant relative inside the house, as if they had no past together, like...

As the realization hit, it felt as if ice water had seeped into her veins.

Luke was treating her like he would anyone else. Grace's breath caught in her throat as she processed this fact. He'd moved on. That was why he was so calm, so collected. She understood now. There would be no yelling from Luke, no questions or recriminations, no demands for an explanation or attempts at reconciliation. They would have a quiet, meaningless chat because he didn't care to have anything more. He didn't care about _her_ anymore.

Suddenly feeling the need to flee, Grace started to move towards the kitchen door. "I have to get home." she told Luke quickly, "Check on my dad."

"Sure thing," he said, in that same casual tone, "See you at the wedding."

Grace pulled open the door and rushed inside. Moving quickly through the crowd she made her way to the front door and out onto the porch. Getting into her car, Grace paused as she put the keys in the ignition. A single tear rolled down her cheek as she thought back to what had just happened. She'd had been prepared for every argument he might have made, every insult he might have thrown. A thousand possible scenarios had been thought out and dealt with, but in the last four years she had never considered this one. She had never considered that Luke Girardi might no longer love her. With the realization of what she had lost, Grace Polk put her head down on the steering wheel and cried.

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Luke stayed out in backyard after she had left. Standing under the stars, he thought about his life over last four years, his life without Grace.

_One week after the break-up..._

_Luke hangs up the telephone and sits on his bed. She won't even talk to him. Grace refuses to take his calls. She says they have nothing to talk about. Rabbi Polonski had been apologetic as he told Luke that he shouldn't phone the house anymore. _

_Sitting there in his room, Luke tries to figure out what went wrong. How could something so wonderful end so suddenly? Taking her framed picture off his desk, he stares at it, remembering the day it was taken, how happy she'd seemed. Curling up on his bed, he holds the picture to his chest and let the tears silently fall._

_One month after..._

_It's Luke's first day at MIT. He should be excited and happy, the moment he dreamed of for years is finally here. He feels empty. All he can think of is how useless this all seems without Grace to share it with._

_His father gives him a rough hug goodbye_ _and tells him to, "Make me proud"_. _Giving him a kiss on the cheek, his mother tells him she loves him. "It will pass." she whispers in his ear. "Time heals, you'll see."_ _He smiles for her, but inside he knows that he will never truly be whole again._

_Three months..._

_His eyes are fixed on the bundle of letters that came today. All his. All addressed to Grace. All returned unopened._ _He hadn't heard a word from her since she broke it off. These letters had been a last ditch attempt to reach her. He stares at the words "RETURN TO SENDER" scrawled across each envelope in Grace's handwriting. Placing them in a drawer, he pulls out his textbooks and begins reading, forcing himself to think of nothing but his schoolwork. He almost failed his last test because he'd been so distracted. That wasn't going to happen gain._

_Five months..._

_The bright orange flames are reflected in his blue eyes. The fire in the trash bin burns bright, fuelled by numerous letters, notes and photos. Drunkenly, he spits a mouthful of vodka into the flames, watching as they flare up. On the phone, Joan had let slip that Grace was seeing some new guy. Luke had told his sister that he didn't care, then he'd gone out and bought himself a bottle of Stoli. Tossing the last handful into the bin, he smiles grimly as it is engulfed by the rapacious flames. He hopes that ridding himself of all these reminders will help him to put her out of his thoughts. Even as the last photo curls and blackens, Luke knows it's futile. His dreams will always be of Grace._

_Seven months..._

_The lab is deserted except for him. Everyone else left hours ago. Luke continues his work, focussing all his attention and energy on the experiment in front of him. He's at the top of his class and he should be. There is no one who puts in more hours studying or spends more time in the lab then he does. Even his professors have told him to ease off, spend some time relaxing, going out with friends. He doesn't listen. Luke pours himself into his studies, pushing all else aside. The more work he does, the less time he has to think about her._

_A year..._

_Luke knows that it's almost a year to the day that she left him, but he gives no outward sign. He's become good at that, cloaking his feelings, burying them. He stayed in Cambridge over the summer, doing an extra course, he didn't want to have to go back to Arcadia. The girls down the hall invite him to a party. The cute brunette is rather insistent that Luke come. He begs off, saying he has work. He won't fall into the trap of getting involved again. Besides, none of them ever seem to even begin to compare with _her

_Eighteen months..._

_Helen Girardi stands in her kitchen, staring at her family gathered in the living room. Luke is home for the holidays. The first time he's been back in nearly eight months. She had been so happy that he was coming to visit, but now, watching him, she couldn't help but feel a bit sad. He wasn't the Luke she remembered. He was quieter, reserved. The shy sweetness that had been a part of her youngest son was gone. Luke had always been the kind of boy who wore his heart on his sleeve, but not anymore. He had a guarded look in his eyes now and she often found it almost impossible to tell what he was thinking._

_Her husband puts his hand on her shoulder as he notices where she's looking. "Give him time," he says, "He'll get back to normal." Helen gazes at her son and prays that Will is right._

_Two years..._

_The girl writhes beneath his body, bucking her hips against his. Focussing his mind solely on finishing, Luke shuts out all other thoughts, like the fact that he can't even remember this one's name. She climaxes with a soft cry and he follows soon after. She pulls him down for a kiss, but he dips his head and trails kisses on her neck instead, avoiding her lips. _

_Laying there afterwards, he looks at the girl sleeping beside him and curses himself. How many times would he repeat this sordid little ritual. Picking up some short-haired blonde, taking her home, fucking her, only to end up feeling disappointed and empty. __Always small blondes with short hair. _

_Grabbing his underwear, Luke starts to frame his excuse as to why he has to leave._

_Two years, Six months..._

_Luke checks his hair in the mirror before he leaves for class. Stopping for a moment, he gazes at his reflection. He's filled out in the last couple of years, adding muscle to his tall frame. The glasses are gone, made redundant by laser surgery. There's a steely look in his blue eyes that few who knew him in Arcadia would recognize. Luke stands in front of the mirror, staring at his unsmiling reflection. Lashing out, his fist smashes into the mirror, fracturing it and sending shards falling to the floor._

"_What the hell happened?" his roommate asks, running in. _

"_Nothing." Luke lies, "Tripped." He calmly turns on the water and washes the blood off his knuckles._

_Three years..._

_He rarely thinks of her anymore. Makes sure that he doesn't. Occasionally he wakes up in the night, the name "Grace" on his lips, but in those instances he chides himself for being stupid and goes back to sleep, ignoring the moisture on his pillow. He has things in his life that satisfy him, that occupy him. Luke is one of the top students at MIT. He won a full scholarship and has already been published. Teachers and students alike all comment on his singular, unflinching drive . He has few friends and most of those are closer to acquaintances. There is no one special in his life and no one that he would ever let get that close. Focussed totally on his work, he tells himself that anything else is unnecessary, not worth the risk. Sometimes he even believes it. _

Their little talk had gone well, Luke thought to himself. Four years of burying his emotions, pushing everything aside had served him well. He'd been able to hold a perfectly normal conversation with her, not letting her know how much she had hurt him.

He knew what the other students in his classes thought about him, that he was cold and unemotional. That was fine with him. It had taken him a long time and many sacrifices to build up the walls around his heart, but they were worth it. Tonight he'd stood face to face with Grace and hadn't given the slightest sign of the damage she had done or the way that he felt about her. Not the slightest sign...almost.

Taking his hands out of his pockets, he carefully released his clenched fists for the first time since seeing Grace. Crimson crescents marked the palms of both hands where his fingernails had dug small furrows into the skin.

Luke gazed at the tiny droplets of blood for a few moments, then slowly went back inside the house.

TBC


	4. Chapter 4

**Title: **All That Is Left

**Notes:** I'll be honest, I do not like this chapter, but I can't seem to fix it. Writing it felt like the creative equivalent of rubbing broken glass into my eyeballs. Hopefully, reading it will be a slightly better experience, but I make no guarantees. I hope you like it and the next chapter (with an L/G confrontation and a lot less introspection) will be finished soon.

Chapter 4

Penny stepped out of the shower and began towelling herself off. She felt somewhat refreshed, but a good dose of hot water could not make up for the fact that she'd had a lousy night's sleep. Due to the Girardis' misconception about her relationship with Luke, and the fact that the house was full, she and Luke had been forced to sleep in his bed last night. Although Penny wasn't accustomed to sharing her bed with a guy, she didn't mind because it was Luke. She'd figured it wouldn't pose a problem. However, she hadn't counted on Luke's nocturnal turmoil. Her bedmate had spent most of the night having one seemingly bad dream after another. He'd woken up at least four times by Penny's count, and when Luke wasn't waking up, he was mumbling or crying out in his sleep. All of this activity had meant that she had gotten very little actual rest.

Putting on her clothes, Penny thought about the night before and what might have caused Luke so much turmoil. For her part, Penny had actually quite enjoyed the little gathering. The food had been good, especially the lasagna, and she had enjoyed meeting Luke's family. They had all greeted her warmly and she hadn't felt like too much of an outsider. She'd had a good time and, for the most part, she thought Luke had as well. Despite his lack of enthusiasm for being home, Luke had seemed to be enjoying himself. She had seen him talking and joking with various old friends and family members and occasionally, she even thought he seemed relaxed.

Thinking back over the evening, the only seemingly odd occurrence had to do with that blonde woman that Penny had seen with Luke's sister. She had only caught a brief look at her before she went into the backyard, and again when she came back in, right before she left in quite a hurry. Penny didn't know what had gone on in the backyard, but after the girl had left, Luke had come in from out back and she'd noticed that he'd seemed to have slipped into an even icier demeanor than usual.

Penny wasn't a fool. She might not have a scholarship to MIT like Luke, but she it wasn't like she got in on her looks either. Her mind was well practised at taking facts and observations and positing theories to explain them. She'd known Luke for years and although they never talked about their pasts that much, it had become obvious to Penny that some girl had hurt him badly. From his behaviour in the past and what she'd seen at the party, Penny had a pretty good idea that it was the blonde from last night who'd done the damage.

Walking back into Luke's room, Penny grabbed her brush and began working it through her long red hair. Sitting on the bed, she brushed her hair and waited for Luke to come back from the other bathroom.

It had been a long-standing tradition in Penny and Luke's friendship that neither would pry into the other's private life. If one of them wanted the other to know something about themselves, they simply volunteered it. Twenty Questions was not a game that either one of them had ever been comfortable with. Despite this, Penny decided that, just this once, she might step over that line and broach the subject with Luke. She'd learned a few hard lessons about heartbreak herself and thought she might be able to help him gain a bit of closure. Besides, she was going to have to share a bed with him for two more nights. If she didn't find a way to get him to sleep quietly through the night, then she'd probably end up kicking his ass onto the floor and that wouldn't be good for their friendship either.

Luke walked into his bedroom a few minutes later, carrying a wet towel and a list of errands. Joan had given him the list on his way up the stairs, asking him to help out with some last minute preparations. Staring at the slip of paper, he barely registered the intent look that Penny was giving him as he came into the room.

"Pretty rough night last night." she commented, "I think you and I have matching bags under our eyes."

"Sorry about that." he mumbled, going through the list, "I had a bit of an upset stomach, kept me up."

Ignoring his excuse, Penny took a deep breath and forged ahead. "Luke, who's Grace?"

Luke pulled his eyes away from the list of errands and fixed them on his friend. "Who told you about Grace?"

"You did." she replied, "You talked in your sleep last night. Most of it was mumbled and incoherent, but you definitely said that name." She paused before continuing, "Several times."

"She's someone I knew in highschool." Luke's voice was impassive, but Penny could see the muscles tightening in his jaw. "I have some errands to run for my sister." he said, changing the subject, "What are you doing today?"

"I told your mom I'd help with decorating the reception hall." Having responded to his deflection, Penny continued her line of questioning. "Was Grace at the party last night? Is that who you were talking to in the backyard?"

"Yah, it was." Luke responded reluctantly. Grabbing his car keys and wallet off the desk, Luke started towards the door. "I'll see you later. Call my mobile if you get bored of hanging decorations and want to do something around town."

He was obviously putting an end to the conversation, but Penny decided to push a little further. "Were you and Grace ever a couple?"

Luke stopped at the door. Pausing for a moment, he turned around and fixed Penny with a rather cold gaze. "Who's Michelle?"

Thrown by the sudden change of topic and the mention of _that _particular name Penny was momentarily unable to respond.

"It's just that I've noticed the tattoo you have on the back of your shoulder, 'Michelle' with an infinity symbol underneath." Moving towards her, Luke kept his voice low, but with a pointed intensity. "I've never heard you mention anyone named 'Michelle' before, so I thought I'd ask. Where is she now? Were you and her ever a couple?"

Understanding the purpose of his questions, Penny just shook her head and looked away. Michelle was a topic that she was not ready or willing to open up. "I don't want to talk about it."

"That's okay," he said coldly, "because I don't want to talk about Grace."

Starting once again for the door, Luke stopped at the threshold. He looked back at Penny and she could see a vulnerability in his eyes that she'd never encountered in Luke before. "The truth is," he told her in a quiet voice, "where Grace is concerned, there's nothing left to talk about." Giving her a small smile to show that he wasn't mad at her, Luke ducked out into the hallway.

Listening to the sound of his footsteps as he made his way down the stairs and out the door, Penny wasn't so sure his comment was true. She'd told Luke how he'd called out the name "Grace" in his sleep, but she hadn't mentioned the other phrase he had repeated. Over and over again, said almost as much as her name, he'd spoken the words, "I love you."

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_Four years ago..._

_She sits at the windowsill, watching him as he sleeps. They had made love earlier and afterwards he had drifted off, holding her in his arms. Now, Luke sleeps while she watches. She often does this, keeping a vigil over his slumbering form, thinking about all that had happened to bring them together. Not tonight though. Tonight, as she watches him, Grace does not think about the past, she considers the future._

_Listening to the soft sound of his breathing, Grace can see in her mind's eye the possibilities_ _of their future together. These are things she had never really pictured for herself: a marriage, a home, the possibility of a child...of _his_ child. Their were numerous different scenarios and combinations, each one involving him and her, together._

_Those fantasies however, were as strange to he_r _as they were beautiful_. _It was certainly not the life she had envisioned for herself. To do that, to join her life to someone else's, and then possibly to children...it is not an idea that comes easily to her. Still, as she pictures herself in that life, she feels an overwhelming need for it, a desire so intense that it scares her._

_It scares her._

_She pulls her eyes away from Luke and looks out the window. Out there are so many other possibilities. Possibilities for adventure and experience. There are places to see, things to do and a whole world to explore. So many possibilities...possibilities_ _that don't frighten her._

_These thoughts had been circling in her head for a while. Tonight however, staring at Luke, imagining their future, the fear panics her. She needs to get out; get of the room, get away from him and away from the possibilities he represents_. _Dressing quickly, Grace all but runs out of his room and quietly slips out of the house._

Shaking her head at the memory, Grace continued to walk towards the reception hall. She could have easily driven the distance from her house to the rehearsal dinner, but Grace had wanted some time to clear her head before she arrived and a walk through the brisk night air gave her that opportunity.

Grace remembered that night with Luke so clearly. Leaving the Girardi house, she had run all the way home, as if she was being chased. She didn't sleep at all that night, just kept going over things in her head, unable to stop. Her fear and confusion had built to a fever pitch until all she wanted was for it to stop. So, in the morning she'd called Luke and had him come over to her parents' house. And there, on the porch, Grace had put an end to the possibilities that had caused her so much anxiety. She had put an end to their future together.

Now, four years later, Grace wondered what that decision had cost her. She remembered the things she had told herself at the time, that there was a whole world of things waiting to be experienced and she shouldn't let herself be held back. Being tied to Luke would limit her and keep her from reaching her full potential. How could she just settle for the first guy that came along? Grace was an independent woman and there was no way she was going to let her attachment to some guy interfere with her plans. That was something those mush-headed girly girls did, running moon-eyed after some boy, marrying him and spending the next ten years pregnant, giving up their own dreams. She needed freedom.

Secure in her reasons and arguments, Grace had broken it off with Luke and rushed to meet the adventures of a waiting world.

And she'd had them. In the last four years Grace had done some amazing things. She'd been on two study-exchanges to foreign countries, graduated university, travelled, gone wherever her will took her. There had been adventure after adventure. She had met tons of interesting people, had wonderful experiences and lived the free life of someone who is accountable to no one. There had been men as well. Over four years she had dated several, none seriously and none that had lasted long, but each had been an adventure. Looking back at it all, she should be able to say that it was all worth it, that she wouldn't have done anything differently. If anybody asked, that's what she did say.

Tonight however, as she walked towards the Joan's rehearsal dinner, Grace admitted to herself that she might have made a mistake.

In four years, Grace had never been able to fill the emptiness that dumping Luke had left in her life. No matter what she did, adventures she undertook or successes she had, there was always a nagging feeling that they would have been better if Luke had been there by her side. She had taken to ignoring these thoughts, hoping they would go away with time, but they never had. A part of her always longed for the boy who had known her completely, good and bad and who had loved her anyways.

That was perhaps why last night's encounter with Luke had been so devastating. Grace could only admit it to herself now, but deep down, she had always believed that Luke would never stop loving her. It seemed totally irrational, but she had never thought that she wouldn't be able to go back to him. Were she to show up on his doorstep one day, he would wrap his arms around her and take her back into his world. It had been that secret fantasy that had kept the emptiness at bay all these years. A fantasy that had crumbled last night in the harsh face of reality. Luke hadn't opened his arms to her, he hadn't taken her back or spoken words of forgiveness. He had spoken irrelevant pleasantries to her and acted as if she was just one of the many other guests that he had to endure that night.

The hope was gone and although Grace had never even realized it was there before, she now could feel the hollowness that it left behind. Grace saw her life stretching out before her and despite all the possibilities she once thought she had, it now seemed to hold nothing but loneliness.

The reception hall loomed before her and Grace summoned all of her will and strength. She had to get through the next few days. After that, well, she'd figure out something, but she'd keep it together until after the wedding, for Adam and Joan.

Squaring her shoulders, she opened the door of the hall.. "C'mon Polk," she muttered to herself, "lets see that tough bitch that you've always been." With a grim laugh, Grace pasted a smile on her face and stepped into the foyer .

TBC


	5. Chapter 5

**Title:** All That Is Left

**Notes:** So, here's the next bit. I'll have the next chapter up soon (I'm kind of excited to see where the hell I'm going with this). Enjoy and thanks for the reviews.

Chapter 5

It would have almost been comical, if it hadn't been so sad. Two people who once loved each other, now working their hardest to avoid one another, casually of course.

Most people were finishing eating and the rehearsal dinner was taking on more the atmosphere of a cocktail party as people talked and mingled. Penny stood in a corner chatting with Kevin and his wife, but her eyes kept drifting over the room as she watched Luke and Grace do their level best to avoid coming into contact with each other. It was subtle and probably went unnoticed by the other guests, but if you knew what you were looking for, it became sadly apparent. If Luke was in a certain part of the room, then Grace stayed on the opposite side. Any shift in position by one was casually noted by the other, who then took pains to maintain a safe distance. At one point, without checking first, Luke went up to the buffet table for some food, only to realize that Grace was there as well. He made a quick course correction and casually headed over to speak to his parents; as if it had been his intention all along. It was a very smooth move, except for the fact that he was still carrying his dinner plate.

Tired of watching this absurd little dance and wanting a moment away from the bustle of the party, Penny excused herself from the conversation and went out into the reception hall foyer. Her feet hurt from the new shoes she was wearing and all she wanted was to sit down and rest for a minute. There was a small hallway off to one side of the foyer with chairs piled against the wall. Taking one off the pile, Penny sat down and gratefully removed her shoes. The little hallway in which she was sitting wasn't directly visible from most of the foyer so she figured that she'd sit here awhile, out of sight, until full feeling returned to her feet.

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Luke was on the verge of violence. He wasn't going to be able to stop himself. A few more minutes of this torture and he would literally be forced to kill. He took comfort in the fact that his drastic actions would probably save countless others from this terrible fate. That, and the fact that no jury in the world would convict him. All it would take would be for them to hear one of Uncle Isaac's little stories, especially the one about how he passed his gallstones, and they'd rule it justifiable homicide! As Isaac continued to drone on about how swollen his prostate was, Luke considered the best angle at which to smash his beer bottle over the guy's head to achieve maximum damage.

"I'm telling you, the size of a bagel." The old man demonstrated the size with his hands, almost sounding proud. "And sore! Let me tell..."

"Excuse me you two, sorry to break this up." Helen interrupted.

At that moment, Luke thought his mother's voice was the sweetest thing he'd ever heard. Turning towards her, he flashed a grateful smile. "No problem Mom, was there something you needed me to do? _Anything_?"

"Actually, it was Isaac who I needed. We're taking some pictures in the corner and your wife wanted you." Helen took the old man's arm. "Don't worry Luke, I'll have him back to finish your little talk as soon as I can." Flashing her son a playful smile, Helen led Isaac away.

Letting out a relieved sigh, Luke glanced around the room. He hadn't seen Penny for a little while and he hoped that she was getting along okay. His family could be a bit of a handful, especially if you didn't know them. Mix in Adam's relatives and it was definitely a daunting combination. Trying to catch a flash of Penny's distinctive red hair, Luke quickly scanned the room. He couldn't find her. Figuring she was either in the bathroom, or taking a breather, Luke headed towards the foyer. If she was there, he'd check in with her and make sure she was having a good time.

Walking out of the noise of the reception hall, Luke glanced quickly around. The foyer was empty. Turning to go back into the party, Luke saw Uncle Isaac moving away from the group taking photos. Apparently they were done with him and he was looking for someone to talk to. Ducking back into the foyer, Luke resolved to wait for a little while, until Isaac had found himself another victim.

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"Don't they make a _beautiful_ couple?"

She'd heard that phrase uttered so many times tonight Grace thought it might have replaced "hello" as the standard form of greeting. Everyone seemed to start conversations that way. Grace swore that if she heard it one more time, she was going to respond, "Well...Adam looks good, but I think Joan looks pregnant!"

Half an hour. That was how much longer Grace figured she would have to endure before being able to make an early, yet polite, exit. Even without the load of emotional baggage that this night carried, Grace never enjoyed these types of events. Small talk had never been one of her strengths and especially not the type of small talk that was being made here tonight. It seemed that a looming wedding reduced people's range of conversation topics to: "How much do you think this whole thing set the Girardi's back?", "So dear, any wedding bells in your future?" and, of course, "Don't they make a beautiful couple?" She'd quickly gotten tired of saying the same old boring answers and tried spicing things up a bit. When Adam's grandma had asked her, "Where's your date tonight dear?" Grace had jokingly told her that he was tied up in the trunk of her car. She hadn't laughed. Grandma Rove had simply pursed her lips and told her, "Boys don't like funny girls." Sadly, that had been one of the better conversations of the evening.

Standing by the bar, Grace thought to herself that the only thing that could have made this even worse would have been if Joan had gone through with her plans to make Grace a bridesmaid. That had been her initial idea, but Grace had quickly killed any such notion. She told Joan, in no uncertain terms, that while she was her friend, any attempt to place her in the wedding party would lead to bloodshed. Joan had pleaded, but Grace remained firm.

Looking over at her friend, Grace saw that Joan was once again crying. She'd been bursting into tears of joy periodically throughout the whole night. If that wasn't bad enough, whenever Joan went off, so did her mother, followed by seemingly any other female within a three metre radius. Watching this spectacle, Grace noticed that now even Adam's father seemed to be getting teary eyed. Deciding to retreat before she was somehow infected by this joyful hysteria, Grace made a beeline for the door to the foyer. Pushing it open, she turned her head back to quickly scan the reception hall for Luke. She'd been avoiding him all night and hoped to continue to do so. Grace figured that if she was lucky, she might be able to go through the rest of tonight and tomorrow without having to speak to him. She was so intent on looking for Luke among the guests, that she failed to see that there was someone in the foyer already.

Stepping into the foyer, Grace finally took note of the blond figure standing by the front doors. The one who was now looking at her with a surprised and wary expression on his face. Grace fought the urge to retreat back into the crowd of guests. She was not going to run, that was not in her nature. She would be bold and face this head on.

Allowing the door to close behind her, Grace faced Luke and looked him directly in the eye. Opening her mouth, she wanted to say something strong, something witty. Unfortunately, under the intense gaze of those blue eyes she remembered so well, Grace became flustered and simply said the first thing that came into her head.

"So..." she remarked, cringing even as she heard herself say it , "don't they make a beautiful couple?"

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They both stood there in the foyer, each attempting to act nonchalant and unaffected by the presence of the other. Neither one wanted to be the first to give anything away, to reveal just how uncomfortable and unwanted this little meeting was. After avoiding each other all night, they now found themselves unexpectedly face-to-face and retreat was not an option.

"Don't they make a beautiful couple?" Those had been the first words that came to Grace's lips when she'd opened her mouth. Inwardly cursing their inanity, she gave no indication of her embarrassment as she waited for Luke's response.

For his part, Luke was working very hard to remain calm and keep his face impassive. After their impromptu reunion yesterday and the sleepless night that followed, he had hoped that he wouldn't have to do this again so soon. Here she was however and Luke steeled himself for another conversation with Grace, focussing all his will on keeping it light and impersonal.

"I always thought so." he said, "Adam and Joan: the kinda-spacey meets the kinda-crazy. A match made in heaven."

"Definitely." agreed Grace, deciding that his sister was a safe topic to stick to, "can you believe it all started in an AP science class? Not really the place one expects romance."

"Actually," said Luke, trying hard not to think of the fact that _their_ romance had started in the same class, "Seems like the perfect place, considering that they operate along the same principles."

Grace's lips quirked as Luke unconsciously slipped into his "science" voice. "Are you saying that physics and love are the same thing?"

"No." he responded, "I'm saying _love_ is chemistry. _Sex _is physics."

The tension momentarily forgotten, they both shared a small chuckle. Grace stole a glance at Luke as he laughed. For a moment, she saw a bit of the boy that he used to be. It caused her to unthinkingly lower her guard slightly.

"Except when we did it," she commented wryly, "Then it was advanced physics."

As soon as the words were out of her mouth, she regretted them. She had strayed into a topic that was definitely not safe. Instantly, the icy look snapped back onto Luke's face and he pretended as if he hadn't even heard her last statement.

"It's really starting to snow out there," he said slowly, "Looks like there will be quite a bit by tomorrow." Seeking safety and control, Luke reverted back to talking about banalities.

Hearing the distant tone in his voice, Grace decided that she'd had enough. She hadn't intended to have this particular conversation, but having him talk to her again in that standoffish manner caused the anger to well up inside of her.

"Don't!" she said, bring her eyes to meet his, "Don't do that!"

"Do what?"

"Don't talk to me as if I'm 'other people'." she responded forcefully, "As if I'm just an old acquaintance that you barely remember."

"I'm making polite small talk with my sister's friend." Luke stated, intentionally keeping his voice neutral. "Should I be doing something else?"

"How about dropping the robot routine and speaking to me like a person?" Grace pointed a figure at him, "You owe me that at least!"

Luke's eyes narrowed at her words. "I owe you? I _owe _you?" If it was possible, his voice became even colder. "I don't think I owe you anything." Turning his back on her, Luke moved towards the front doors, trying to put a bit of distance between them.

"We had a relationship. Can you at least acknowledge that?" Grace said forcefully, trying to get a rise out of him, "Or are you pretending that it didn't happen?"

"I acknowledge our relationship Grace. I also acknowledge that it ended." Swivelling back to look at her his face was neutral, but he couldn't keep the hurt and anger out of his eyes. "You do remember how it ended don't you?"

Taking a breath, Grace attempted to reign in her anger. "Luke," she said, trying to sound reasonable, "That was four years ago. We were too young. There were things I had to do..we had to do. Would that have been possible if we had stayed together? I don't think so." She tried hard to invest her voice with certainty, but it was lacking even to her own ears.

"So what's the problem then?" Luke asked, "You did the right thing and unselfishly saved us both from a fate worse then death. Correct? The last four years have been a roller coaster of fun and adventure for you and, apparently, as you seem to think, for me too. Since dumping me was such a good idea, then why shouldn't I treat you politely? What more can you expect?" Moving towards her, he stopped a few feet from Grace and looked her in the eyes. "Should I also have sent a 'thank you' card?" His voice remained level, but Grace could hear the anger and resentment behind the words.

"Of course not!" Grace said, dismissing his silly statement with an angry wave, "You just..."

"No Grace." Luke interrupted her coldly, "You're the one who seems to be having the problem, so you tell me, after all this time, what could you possibly have to say to me...that wouldn't be covered in meaningless small talk?"

Grace paused, trying to collect her thoughts. Anger and despair were coursing through her in equal measures and she was having trouble deciding which one to focus on. Her internal battle was not helped by the fact that Luke still seemed to be well in control of himself. He had yet to raise his voice, or change his tone. There was definite anger burning in his eyes, but even that seemed to produce little heat. It was almost as if he were a spectator to this argument, instead of a participant.

Wanting desperately to reach him, to illicit some sign of emotion, Grace lowered her voice and got her anger under control. "After all this time, I guess I could say that I'm sorry." She spoke softly, hoping her words were having an effect. "I did what I thought would be best. I can't take it back, I know that." Grace felt a tear roll down her cheek and brushed it aside, trying to remain strong. "I guess that all I can hope for is that one day you'll forgive me. Maybe then we can be friends again." Finished, Grace glanced at Luke, wondering what his response might be.

"Is that what this is about Grace?" Luke asked, "Forgiveness? Absolution?" He gave her a mirthless smile. "Fine. You are forgiven." he intoned, making the sign of the cross in front of her. "You are absolved of your sins. Go forth and sin no more! Hope you feel better about yourself now."

Shaking his head, Luke moved passed Grace. "I have to get back in there." he said, motioning towards the door. "I have to mingle with the other guests. It's only polite." Luke kept his voice neutral, but inside he was a churning mass of emotions. He stomach was burning and it was only by sheer force of will that he prevented himself from being sick. Despite outward appearances, this conversation had been terrible for him. Wounds he had long tried to close had been violently ripped open again. All he wanted was to escape.

Pushing open the door to leave, he paused as Grace's voice, full of pain and wonder, reached his ears.

"Luke..."

Grace stared in horrid fascination at the boy she had once known. He didn't look much different then he had four years ago, but now she realized that looks were very deceiving. The man before her was cold, impassive and terribly cynical. There had been a time when he was the closest person in her life, when it felt as if her heart had beat in time with his. Now, he was surrounded by wall so high that she couldn't even begin to see the tops of them. This couldn't have all been her doing, she told herself, could it?

"Luke," she asked again, wanting an answer but dreading hearing it, "what happened to you?"

"What happened?" he said. For a second, the icy mask slipped and Grace caught a glimpse of loneliness and desolation in his eyes.

"A girl broke my heart...so I learned to live without it."

Without another look, Luke turned away and walked back into the reception hall.

As the door swung shut behind him, Grace closed her eyes and let out a long, tortured sigh. Standing in the foyer, she struggled not to cry. She had almost lost the battle when she heard a soft voice behind her. Turning around, Grace was faced with redhead she'd seen the night before.

"You know," Penny said thoughtfully, gesturing towards the place where Luke had just been. "Maybe I _should _have hit him on the head with that plant potter."

TBC


	6. Chapter 6

**Title:** All That Is Left

**Notes:** The line regarding "girls who say 'aboot'" comes from the genius Kevin Smith, not me. I put it in for a friend and because I'm sick of Australians who laugh every time I say "out and about" or "oot and aboot' as they hear it. Damn Skippys! Anyways, enjoy!

Chapter 6

Penny carefully navigated Luke's car down the streets of Arcadia. Visibility was terrible and the roads were icy, forcing her to maintain a low speed. Still, it wasn't too bad. She'd grown up experiencing New Hampshire winters and had driven in much worse.

"Thanks for driving me." Grace said quietly, staring out the passenger window at the snow swirling in the heavy winds.

After Luke had left Grace in the foyer and Penny had made her presence known, Grace had wanted nothing more then to flee the reception hall. She had wanted nothing more then to go home, curl up in her bed and be alone with her misery. Certainly, she hadn't wanted to spend time with Luke's new girlfriend, who had just overheard their very personal and terrible confrontation. Yet, she found herself unable to move. The fight with Luke had drained so much from her that, after grabbing her jacket from the rack, she'd just stood and stared out at the growing snow storm. Looking out into the dark, cold night, Grace felt that she was actually seeing a vision of her future, frozen and desolate. She'd barely registered what it was that Penny was saying, not really wanting to listen to the girl, but she had silently accepted the offer of a car ride home. The two had said little as they drove, only breaking the silence when directions were needed.

Glancing at the girl in her passenger seat, Penny gave her a small smile. "Couldn't let you walk home in this. I volunteered to be designated driver for tonight anyways. That way I get to hit the open bar at the wedding." It had been a spur-of-the-moment decision on her part to offer Grace a ride home, but after what had just happened, Penny felt like she had to do something for her. "It's no trouble."

From her unobserved position in the hallway off the foyer, she had witnessed the entire ugly scene between Grace and Luke. Listening to the two argue, she had been surprised by something that she heard in Grace's voice. There had been pain and anger, that was to be expected, but Penny was certain that she had also detected a note of regret and longing from the blond. Up until that moment, she had assumed that Luke was the only one who was still in love with his ex, but it seemed to Penny that perhaps Grace too was harboring some emotions. After Luke stalked off, Penny had seen the expression of anguish and despair on Grace's face and her heart had gone out to the girl. Now, as she sat beside her in the car, Penny tried to think of a way to broach the subject with her. She wanted to know if her suspicions were correct, if Grace still had feelings for Luke.

"Somehow I doubt Luke would agree with you." Grace remarked with a grim laugh, "His girlfriend driving his ex home would probably sound like a whole lot of trouble to him."

"Girlfriend?" Penny smiled at Grace's misunderstanding. "Sweetie, Luke and I are just friends. We're not dating. Which is good, because I have my eye on the second bridesmaid; you know, the brunette from Canada." she laughed at Grace's surprised expression. "I got a crazy thing for girls who say 'aboot' "

Despite her shock at realizing that Penny was not in fact Luke's girlfriend, Grace smiled at the redhead's comment. "You might not be so hot for her when you see her tomorrow." Grace told Penny, feeling more relaxed around her now. "Joan picked some truly _ugly _dresses for the bridesmaids to wear."

"That actually works to my advantage." Penny informed her with a conspiratorial wink. "I always find with bridesmaids that the uglier the dress, the easier it is to get them to take it off." The two shared a small laugh at the joke.

"So you and Luke are just friends?" Grace asked, wanting to make sure.

"For almost four years now."

"Then I'm definitely surprised that you gave me a ride." Grace admitted to her. "After that little scene in the foyer and all he's probably told you about me...well, let's just say that I wouldn't have expected you to be so nice."

"To tell you the truth," said Penny slowly, "Luke has never even mentioned you before. Yesterday was the first time I've ever heard him say your name." She watched Grace, curious as to how she might react to this news.

Shaking her head, Grace just looked out the window. "Turn left up here." was her only response.

They drove in silence for a few more minutes. Grace could sense Penny's eyes as the girl kept glancing at her. She knew that Penny probably had something she wanted to say, but Grace was not in the mood to talk. Learning that Luke hadn't mentioned her, even to complain, to someone he had known for nearly four years only depressed her more. To Grace, it seemed like further proof that he had pushed all thoughts of her from his life and that he had long ago stopped caring for her.

Still feeling the weight of the girl's stare, Grace was beginning to get a bit uncomfortable with the scrutiny. "What?" she asked, a note of annoyance creeping into her voice.

"Nothing." said Penny, unsure of whether or not she should pry. Matters of love between two people were tricky and she'd always felt that it was usually best to let them sort things out themselves. "Is it really my place to interfere?" she thought to herself. Unbidden, an image popped into Penny's head of a girl with short dark hair and laughing eyes. Suddenly overwhelmed by the memory, Penny unconsciously reached over and touched her shoulder, as if she could feel the tattoo beneath her shirt. Reminded of the pain of lost opportunities, Penny decided to forge ahead in the conversation, knowing that certain things were worth the effort.

"Can I ask you a question, Grace?" she said, keeping her voice even.

"Let me guess." said Grace heavily, resenting Penny's curiosity. As far as Grace was concerned, the girl had already heard quite enough during her argument with Luke. She was a private person and didn't like the idea of talking about this with someone who she had known for all of twenty minutes. "You want to know why I broke up with him right? Well, I don't want to sound rude, but it's not really any of your business."

"That wasn't what I was going to say." replied Penny, undeterred by Grace's anger. "The truth is, it doesn't matter anymore. Whatever reasons you had then for dumping him make no difference now. That's not what interests me" Stopping at a red light, she made sure that Grace was looking at her. "What I want to know is this: do you regret it? Do you wish you could change things?"

"What does it matter now?" Grace asked her quietly, her voice laden with regret. "I don't mean anything to him anymore. I'm just a bad memory." Unable to meet Penny's eyes any longer, she simply pointed up the street at her parents' house. Penny didn't pursue the question, she merely drove along the street, stopping outside the indicated house.

Putting the car into park, Penny turned so she could look at Grace straight on. "Believe me Grace, you definitely mean something to him. It isn't nothing that keeps him in the lab 'till all hours, trying to block out the world. It isn't nothing that drives him to chat-up short haired blondes in bars and either leave them frustrated or come back the next day all frustrated to hell himself." Leaning forward, Penny wanted to make sure that her next words sunk in.. "And if you meant nothing to him, then I certainly doubt he'd keep repeating your name in his sleep."

Unable to respond, Grace just reached for the handle and opened the door. "Thanks again for the ride." she said shakily, getting out of the car.

Knowing that there was no more she could say, Penny gave Grace a warm smile. "See you at the wedding." she told her quietly.

Watching Grace walk into her house, Penny put the car in gear and tried to remember her way back to the reception hall. She needed to have a talk with Luke tonight and she doubted it would be an easy one.

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Luke laid on his bed, trying very hard to concentrate on the book in front of him. The events of the evening had left him out of sorts and he was desperate to think of anything else. That didn't seem likely however.. Tossing the book away in disgust, he sat up and tried to get a handle on his emotions.

His confrontation with Grace had been one of the toughest of his life. In the last four years Luke had become an expert at burying his emotions. He had worked diligently at creating a mask of impassivity to show the world and erecting barriers to shield his himself. Over time, he had even almost convinced himself that his emotional camouflage and armour were impenetrable. Tonight however, he'd realized that it was all for nothing. Despite all this time and his many efforts, he still loved her. Hearing Grace ask for forgiveness and seeing the pain in her eyes, all the feelings that he had tried so hard to be rid of had surfaced and he'd found himself having to leave before he lost control.

Sighing, Luke closed his eyes and put his head in his hands.

Penny stood in the doorway, listening to Luke sigh. She'd been in the bathroom, getting ready for bed and trying to figure out how to get Luke to talk about his feelings. After she'd dropped Grace at home and gone back to the reception hall, Penny had decided that she would hold off on having the discussion with him until later that night. That would give her enough time to come up with a strategy to bring down some of his barriers so that he might be willing to talk about Grace. She'd thought about it all evening, spinning different scenarios, but only one really had any potential for success. Unfortunately, it was not one that she was comfortable with.

Now, seeing him sitting there in such obvious pain, Penny knew that she would have to make this sacrifice for her friend's well-being. In order to get Luke to come out from behind his emotional defences, she would have to lower hers as well. Taking deep breath, Penny sat down beside Luke and began to speak.

"Michelle..."

Hearing the name and the tone it was spoken in, Luke fixed his eyes on Penny. She turned slightly away from him, so that he could see the tattoo on the back of her left shoulder. Reaching up, she ran her finger over it. It was simple really, the name "Michelle" with an infinity symbol beneath it. A simple design, but it's meaning was clear.

"Michelle was a girl." Penny tried to keep control of her voice, but it was obvious she was struggling. "Just a girl. She had her good points and her bad ones, like everyone. Smart, beautiful...these words would describe her. Compassionate, aggravatingly stubborn...those would work too. I could go on for hours, but it would be futile. Saying them like that, like a list or a set of ingredients won't mean anything. What can it matter to you that her laugh was clear and sweet, or that she only ate sandwiches with the crusts cut off?" Penny turned back to Luke, looking him in the eye as tears slowly rolled down her cheeks. "I can describe her forever, but you'll never truly understand how it all fit together in a way that made me love her."

Penny wiped gently at a few of her tears and gave Luke a small smile. "We were together for five months in my last year of highschool. Five months...it seems like only five minutes now, but it was the happiest I've ever been. When she would whisper in my ear that she loved me, the world would make sense and I would feel safe."

"Michelle was fearless in all things..." At this, Penny dropped her eyes and her voice took on a note of self-loathing. "Unfortunately, I wasn't. At the time, I hadn't come out yet, still hiding and pretending. At first it hadn't been a big deal, she'd treated the sneaking around as a bit of a game. As we became serious though, it wore on her more and more. She wanted everyone to know about us. Secretly, I did too. I would dream about her telling me she loved me in public, so anyone could hear. I was too scared to take the step though."

Standing up, Penny moved over to the bedroom window and looked out at the dark night and the blowing snow. "Finally, Michelle left. She didn't want to, but what choice did she have? The lie was tainting our love, sullying something pure. All that I'd had to do was be brave enough...but I wasn't. We never got back together."

Penny stopped, struggling to get the next part of the story out. She didn't want to talk about this part of her life, but she had to find a way to make Luke realize that he couldn't just ignore his feelings.

"What about when you did come out?" Luke asked softly, "Did you try to see her again?"

Swallowing hard, Penny looked at Luke with eyes full of sorrow. "Never got the chance. She was killed in a car crash two months after we broke up." Moving back to the bed, she sat down and put her head on Luke's shoulder. Putting his arm around her, Luke and Penny sat silently, listening to the wind howl outside the window.

After a few quiet minutes, Luke seemed to come to a decision. Standing up, he moved over to the far side of his room and kneeled down by the wall. Penny watched as Luke pried a small section of the baseboard away, revealing a small recess. It was obviously some sort of secret hiding place he'd had as a child. Reaching in, Luke pulled out a small box, a ring box, which he carried back over to the bed and handed to Penny.

Opening the lid, Penny saw that it contained two rings, identical except for size. Gently removing one from the box, she examined it. It was a simple band, unadorned except for two small channels that ran the circumference of the ring. The band was made of a beautiful silver-white metal that gleamed with a high polish. Feeling the weight of it in her hand, Penny realized that it was too light to be made of either silver or gold.

"Titanium." said Luke, anticipating her question. "Number 22 on the periodic table of elements. Extremely strong, yet 60 lighter than steel, it can endure extreme temperatures and is resistant to almost all acids." Penny could recognize his "lecture voice" as Luke dispassionately related the properties of the metal. "Titanium is used by NASA on the space shuttle and, in it's purest forms, as an incendiary in fireworks."

"While it can be found all over the Earth, including in the human body, it can also..." For the first time, his voice shook slightly and Penny could hear the deep emotion in his words, "..it can also be found in meteors."

"They're beautiful." Penny told him, admiring their elegant simplicity.

"They seemed to sum up Grace and I in so many ways. Titanium appealed to the geek in me, and I knew Grace would appreciate the their practicality and how unorthodox they are." Smiling slightly, Luke picked the second ring out of the box and held it in his palm. "Besides, I knew if I bought gold and diamonds, Grace would've given me a lecture on the artificially inflated price of diamonds and the terrible conditions of diamond mines in the developing world."

"I wasn't going to ask her to marry me, not in the traditional sense. I mean, I figured we might someday, but that wasn't the point of the rings." Taking the band out of Penny's hand, he placed it in his palm beside it twin. "I knew that she had all kinds of plans and wanted to do so many things. This was my way of telling her that no matter what, I would be by her side." Luke closed his fist around the rings. "That was the real meaning behind choosing this particular metal. It was a symbol of our love: something that can produce fire, but withstand the heat, be strong enough to bind us, but light enough that it didn't hold us down." Luke's voice was almost a whisper as he continued. "Something that could last forever."

"What did she say when you showed them to her?" Penny asked quietly.

Shaking his head, as if to clear his thoughts, Luke put the rings back into the box. "She never saw them. I had planned to give it to her the night before I left for MIT. Unfortunately she had already broken up with me by then." Putting the ring box on the bedside table, he gave a grim laugh. "Man, I sure didn't see that coming."

"So there's the story. Right before I could tell her that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her, Grace informed me that I was holding her back and that in order to enjoy life, she couldn't be burdened with our love. So I went away to school and did whatever it took so that I could just keep breathing." Moving away from the bed, Luke walked over to the window. Penny could see the tears gleaming on his cheeks.

"Do you still love her?" Penny knew that this question might be too much, but she needed to know the answer.

"I tried so hard to bury it, to kill it. I wanted to burn it out of my life and my soul, no matter what the cost..." Luke turned to look at Penny, his eyes full of sorrow. "..but I couldn't. I said that I would always love her, and I've never stopped." Luke's voice trailed off and his body was wracked with a quiet sob.

"Look," Penny said, taking his hand and leading him back to the bed. "You have to decide what you want to do, what risks you want to take. Let me just tell you that the girl I drove home tonight still has feelings for you and you owe it to yourself to see where that might lead." Letting him lie down, Penny put a hand against his cheek. "Trust me Luke, in stuff like this, the only thing worse then taking a chance and failing, is losing that chance altogether."

Lying down beside him, Penny switched off the light. "Take it from someone who knows."

Lying there in the dark, the two listened as the storm raged outside. Sleep was a long time in coming for both of them, and when it finally did, they both dreamt of the women they loved.

TBC

**A/N:** Please review and tell me what you think. Thanksto all who have reviewed and who have not mentioned my rather reckless and liberal use of commas!


	7. Chapter 7

**Title:** All That Is Left

**Notes:** This is just a short one, kind of a bridging chapter. More to come soon. Enjoy and thanks for all the reviews of the last chapter!

Chapter 7

"I think I've almost got it." Will claimed proudly as he adjusted his bow tie. "Just a little tug here and...shit!" He shook his head in dismay when the minor adjustment he was making resulted in a majorly crooked bow. With a frustrated sigh, he began his fourteenth attempt to properly arrange his bow tie.

"Will," said Helen as she came to the mirror to put the finishing touches on her make-up, "Just use the clip-on like you usually do."

"This is my only daughter's wedding day and I will not be seen in a clip-on tie. My baby deserves the best! Besides," he replied haughtily, "Frank Sinatra never used a clip-on, neither did Dean Martin."

"That might be true, but at this rate, you'll have it properly tied in time for Joan and Adam's first anniversary." Helen put her compact in her purse and slipped on her shoes. "As for what Dean Martin would do..."

"Ahhh!" cried Will angrily as the knot he was tying suddenly fell apart once again.

"I think you might be closer to Jerry Lewis." Helen patted him on the back.

"Where's the clip-on?" he asked in defeat.

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Adam stood on his father's porch, staring at his sculptures in the front yard. Although his eyes were tracing the lines of his many metal masterpieces, Adam's mind was firmly fixed on Jane. She was the most amazing and beautiful woman he had ever known. Since the moment he first saw her, Adam had been transfixed. And now, after all this time, they were finally getting married! Closing his eyes for a moment, Adam smiled and let the joy wash over him. Picturing Jane and their future together made him so happy that he could almost forget the fact that he could barely stop his hands from shaking. Nervous beyond belief, his stomach was balled into a tight knot and it felt as if his intestines were planning to make an escape through his mouth.

Mr. Rove came out the front door and looked at his son. He was so proud of his boy, of the man he'd become. His only regret was that his wife wasn't here to see Adam get married. Walking up behind him, Mr. Rove put his hand on Adam's shoulder.

"I remember the day I married your mother so clearly." He said, smiling wistfully. "I can recall everything I was feeling."

"I feel like I'm going to be sick." Adam said worriedly

"That sounds just about right." laughed his father.

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The old, yet immaculately maintained, Lincoln Town Car made it's way slowly down the street.

"Dad," said Grace impatiently, "We're going to be late! I could get out and walk faster then this...if I wasn't wearing these stupid heels."

In truth, Grace was of two minds about getting to the wedding. On the one hand, she wanted to see two of her best friends get married and be deliriously happy. On the other, Luke was going to be there and she wasn't exactly sure how she felt about having to see him. All she knew was that her stomach was doing some pretty serious gymnastics at the thought.

"A safe driver is a careful driver, Grace." her father admonished her.

"It's so nice that Adam and Joan are finally tying the knot." Rabbi Polonski turned hopeful eyes on his daughter, "Who knows? Maybe soon, you'll be..."

"Stop!" Grace told her father firmly, "Don't even think about finishing that sentence."

"I'm just saying Grace..."

"Listen up Rabbi," Grace said, pointing her finger at her father, "Mom won't be home until the end of the month." she warned him in a dangerous voice. "That means I'll have plenty of time to escape before anyone finds your body!"

Rabbi Polonski just sighed and concentrated on driving. His daughter had always been stubborn and rebellious and this subject was no exception. Still, he took comfort in the fact that she had also once told him that she would never have a Bat Mitzvah.

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Guests were already starting to arrive as Kevin and his wife Lily pulled their car into the church parking lot. The two sat in silence for a moment, watching as the people moved into the building.

"There's that Isaac guy I was telling you about." said Kevin, pointing to a hunched old man as he slowly made his way up the church steps. "He kept me in a corner for forty minutes last night, talking about his Irritable Bowel Syndrome."

"Well, we certainly won't be asking him to make the toast." Lily joked.

"I can't believe my little sister is getting married." said Kevin in a quiet voice. "It seems like only yesterday that..." he paused, taking Lily's hand in his own. "Oh well, worked for us didn't it?"

"That it did." she replied, squeezing her husband's hand. "Still, I wish they'd gone for an outdoor wedding like we did."

"What is it with you?" Kevin laughed. "You were a nun once, how can you not like churches?"

"Honestly?" said Lily, giving him a smile. "God makes me nervous when you get him indoors."

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"Inhale...exhale...inhale...exhale." The mantra kept repeating itself in Joan's head, reminding her to keep breathing. Usually she didn't have to concentrate so hard on her respiration, but today was no ordinary day.

Joan stood in her bedroom in her parents' house, staring at herself in the mirror. Her bridesmaids flitted nervously about around her, constantly adjusting both her gown and their own.

"This is it," Joan thought, gazing at the sight of herself in her wedding dress. "In a little less than an hour, I'm going to be Mrs. Rove." Just thinking it caused a warm feeling to spread through out her entire body. This had been a long time in coming and it hadn't always been assured. There had been rough patches between her and Adam, but they'd gotten over them and now, they'd be together forever.

For years, a certain deity had been telling Joan again and again about her free will and how the choices she made were her own. Smiling, Joan thought about Adam and the fact that this was one choice that she had no doubts about.

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Penny regarded herself in the mirror one last time. She definitely looked good. Dresses weren't her usual attire, but this one was particularly lovely. It highlighted all her best aspects without being showy. She only needed to add one more thing.

"I think we better call ahead to the church. " commented Luke as he pulled his suit jacket on.

"Why's that?"

"To have them clear a few pews to make room for _that_." he said, pointing at her hat.

"Shut up!" replied Penny, pulling the hat from its box and placing it lightly on her head. "One of the few reasons I agreed to come to this thing with you is because I knew I could wear a hat. I love that about weddings." Adjusting it slightly, Penny admired her hat. It certainly didn't have what you would call a small circumference, but it looked amazing and set off her face beautifully. Besides, she'd bought it at Harrod's on her last vacation and she needed to wear it as often as possible to justify the cost.

"I'll meet you downstairs." she told Luke coldly and walked out of the room.

"That hat's actually a good idea." Luke called after her. "If it rains, the whole congregation can take shelter under it." With a small chuckle, Luke turned back to the mirror to make sure his tie was straight.

In truth, the hat was fine. He thought Penny looked rather stunning in her ensemble and Luke figured that a certain bridesmaid didn't stand a chance of resisting her. He was only making jokes in a lame attempt to quell his own nervousness. Today, he was going to see Grace again and he wasn't sure exactly what he should do. Luke had spent a long night after his talk with Penny, thinking about the past, his feelings and the possibilities that lay before him. He wasn't sure how he felt, what he might do, or if he could ever forgive Grace enough to let her back into his life.

Sighing, Luke looked over at his bedside table and the small ring box that sat upon it. There was just so much history between him and Grace, perhaps too much to overcome. With a final tug on his tie, Luke walked towards the bedroom door. Just as he was about to leave though, he suddenly stopped and turned around. Moving over to the side of his bed, he opened the tiny box and pulled the two rings out. Placing them in his inside breast pocket, Luke once again turned and walked out of the room.

TBC

**A/N: **We'll get to the good stuff in the next chapter I promise. Just trying to iron out all the details. Also, Penny is coming across as just _too _wonderful, don't you think? Maybe I'll include a chapter about how she kills puppies or something.


	8. Chapter 8

**Title:** All That Is Left

**Notes:** Here it is, finally. Thanks to all those who emailed me, wondering when I was going to update. Glad to know that people want to read this! Hopefully it's worth the wait. Mix together some writer's block with a weekend of overindulgence and you can guess why this took so long. I promise that anymore updates will come in a timely fashion...unless I get the chance to overindulge again! Enjoy!

Chapter 8

Grace leaned against the wall of the church foyer and watched as the wedding party had its photos taken. Her father was still inside talking to the priest. A "professional courtesy" he'd called it. "A rabbi and a priest are talking at a wedding...sounds like the beginning of a bad joke." Grace thought to herself.

The ceremony had been rather sweet, Grace had to admit. Both had written their own vows and Grace had been hard pressed not to cry as she heard her two friends declaring their love for one another. Others had not even attempted to stem the flow of tears. Helen had wept non-stop from the beginning of the ceremony and both Mr. Girardi and Mr. Rove had been seen wiping their eyes. Against all predictions, Joan herself had not cried during the ceremony, although it had been close a couple of times. It was, in fact, Adam who broke down half-way through the vows and had to pause to collect himself. Grace smiled as she thought of her friend's tears of joy. Kevin had been running a pool on who would be the first to crack and Grace had bet heavily on Adam. She knew her friends.

As enchanting as proceedings had been however, Grace's thoughts were not entirely on the wedding. She'd tried to focus on the ceremony, but her mind kept coming back to what Penny had told her last night, that Luke might still have feelings for her. As she mulled over this rather doubtful but marvellous possibility, Grace had found her eyes wandering across the aisle to where Luke was seated with his family. The thought that he might still think of her with some affection caused a hopeful tightening in her chest. At one point, as she glanced over at him, Grace caught Luke staring at _her._ Their eyes had locked briefly and she saw something in his gaze, she wasn't sure what, but it had caused her pulse to quicken. He'd then turned his eyes towards Adam and Joan and she hadn't seem look in her direction again.

Now, standing here, Grace tried to make sense of what she thought she had seen and how she felt about it. On the other side of the foyer, the photographer was snapping away with his camera. He seemed to be putting everyone into a myriad of poses and combinations.

"It's getting ridiculous over there." she heard a voice behind her say. "How many different photos of a wedding do you need? Now the wedding _night_, there's a time when a good camera would really come in handy."

Grace turned to see Luke standing a few feet from her. He was trying very hard to be nonchalant, but Grace could see that he was somewhat nervous. "That's an improvement" she thought to herself, "At least he's not acting all cool and distant like before."

"Perhaps in your opinion Girardi." she told him, a smile quirking her lips. "Besides, the photographer would probably charge quite a bit extra for that."

"Probably." Luke agreed. He stopped, seemingly at a loss as to what to say next.

Grace could see the indecision and confusion in his eyes and it seemed to lend even more credence to what Penny had told her.

"Look," he began tentatively. "About last night..."

"You don't have to say anything." Grace told him quickly. "I pushed things and...well...quite frankly, I probably deserved some of it. Besides, at some point we've all said things we regret...things we wished we could be forgiven for." She gave him a sad, yet hopeful smile.

Looking at that smile, Luke felt his insides melt. There was a look of such hope and longing in Grace's eyes. The girl whom he had loved for so long, but who he'd been denied, was right in front of him. He just had to forgive her. Then, if they wanted to, perhaps they could start anew. All Luke had to do was say the words.

"Grace..." he started, his voice thick with emotion.

"There you are!" Rabbi Polonski called, coming towards them. "I was looking for you Grace and...Luke! It's been a long time." Grace's father reached out for a handshake.

"Rabbi Polonski." Luke said, shaking his hand. "Good to see you again sir."

Grace wanted to scream! She could tell from his eyes that Luke had been on the verge of telling her something important before her father had interrupted. She'd been holding her breath, waiting for what he had to say, hoping it was what she most wanted to hear. Then her dad had blundered in and ruined everything with useless pleasantries.

"It was a beautiful ceremony." the Rabbi remarked, oblivious to the glare he was getting from his daughter, "A bit different from the way we do it, but still wonderful. They make a beautiful couple."

"Adam and Joan will be pleased to hear that." Luke told him, trying to cover his dismay at the interruption. It had taken so much willpower to actually walk over to Grace and start talking to her, Luke wasn't sure if he could manage it again.

Looking between his daughter and her ex-boyfriend, Rabbi Polonski suddenly became aware of the tension in the air. Realizing he had interrupted something, he attempted to extricate himself from the conversation. However, before he could frame his excuse, the three of them heard Luke's name being called.

"It's my dad." said Luke, pointing over towards where the photos were being taken. "I think my presence is required for some family portraits. Oh joy."

Turning to Grace and her father, he gave a quick smile. "We'll have to continue this conversation at the reception I guess." The comment was made to both of them, but the way his eyes caught Grace's showed that it was truly meant for her. Shaking the Rabbi's hand once again, Luke walked off in the direction of his parents.

"Damn!" Grace fumed in her head as her father gave her an apologetic look, "What was he going to say?"

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The reception was in full swing as Helen Girardi surveyed the crowd. The food had been cleared away, the speeches and toasts made, and everyone seemed to be having a good time. Helen watched with a contented smile as the guests danced, talked, laughed and cried (in a good way of course).

Joan and Adam were standing among a group of well-wishers, making idle conversation. Actually, it was really Joan who doing most of the talking. Adam seemed too preoccupied with staring in awe at his new bride to make any significant contribution to the conversation. Helen's smile broadened as Joan, finally aware of Adam's attention, leaned over to give him a quick kiss.

Turning away from the blissful newlyweds, Helen caught sight of another happy couple. In the far corner of the room, Kevin and Lily were deep in conversation with Will. Those two were a combination that she would never have predicted, yet there they were. They'd been married for over three years now and just by looking at them, Helen could tell they'd be together for the long haul.

Catching her eye, Will gave Helen a smile that probably matched her own. There was no feeling quite as wonderful for a parent as seeing one's children truly happy. Her husband's smile, and the knowledge of what inspired it, created a warm glow in Helen's chest. That warmth was slightly dampened however as Helen's gaze fell on her youngest son.

Things hadn't been right with Luke for a long time now. Ever since his break-up with Grace, Helen had watched him retreat into himself. She'd told herself it was a phase, that he'd bounce back, but over things had only seemed to worsen. Over the years Helen had attempted numerous times to speak with him about Grace and what had happened, but he would never talk about it with her.

Watching Luke now, as he spoke to some of Joan's friends, Helen noticed that his eyes kept shifting to another part of the room. Following his gaze, Helen saw that it was Grace who kept grabbing his attention. She was seated at a table, picking at a piece of cake with little enthusiasm.

Knowing that it was probably far from the realm of possibility, Helen still prayed that they could find some sort of understanding. Two out of three might sound good to some, but Helen would not be satisfied until all of her children had found happiness.

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"...and all that lace! Her gown was just so beautiful!"

Luke smiled wanly as the girl continued to gush about his sister's wedding dress. His mind really wasn't on the conversation at hand. "Not that you need much of a mind to participate." he thought to himself. Joan's friends seemed pleasant enough, but they weren't exactly the deepest bunch he'd ever encountered. In fact, he'd only met one of Joan's university friends that he'd found interesting and Penny had whisked her off some time ago. The two of them were now sitting at a table, talking rather intently. He never thought himself much of a fortune-teller, but from the way that the girl kept leaning in to touch Penny's arm, Luke predicted that he wouldn't have to share his bed tonight.

Allowing his eyes to wander past Penny and her new friend, Luke stole a glance at Grace as she sat at a table on the other side of the dance floor. He kept replaying their earlier conversation at the church over and over in his head. It had seemed as if they were on the cusp of some sort of revelation, but it had been cut short. Before Grace's dad had interrupted, Luke had begun to speak, but in truth, he didn't know what it was that he would've said. He'd been acting on instinct and now that instinct was lost in a jumble of fear and emotion.

Sitting over at that table, not thirty feet away, was the possibility of a new beginning. All he had to do was walk over there. Staring at her now, Luke wanted nothing more then to do just that. He wanted to take Grace in his arms and press his lips against hers. For years he had fantasized about just such a scenario and now the opportunity was finally here. However, he just couldn't seem to make himself do it. For all the reasons that he could come up with for trying again, there was one that kept holding him back: what if it didn't work?

Love is not like science, there are no set rules or laws governing the outcome. Everything is always in flux and you can never be sure of how things will turn out. What if after all this, it didn't work out? It had been four years since he and Grace had been together, perhaps they'd both changed too much. Luke could remember the absolute joy of feeling Grace's love and he wanted that again more then anything. However, he remembered with equal intensity the black pit of despair that accompanied losing her. Luke wasn't sure he could endure that again. His fear kept whispering to him that it wasn't worth the risk. Reaching up, Luke touched his breast pocket and felt the outline of the two titanium rings inside. Was the possibility of a new life with Grace worth the consequences if he was wrong?

Sighing, Luke tried to refocus his attention on the conversation going on around him. He needed more time. This wasn't something he could decide tonight.

"...so I said, 'put that in your pipe and smoke it mister!' " the girl on his left recounted with a grand wave of her hand. The others in the group all burst into laughter and Luke feigned a chuckle to pretend that he'd been listening. Suddenly, Luke heard a familiar tune come pouring out of the DJ's speakers.

"Oooh!" cried one of the girls, "I love this song!"

The entire group, minus Luke, made their way excitedly to the dance floor as "Celebration" played across the reception hall.

Luke wondered if this was some sort of sign, but dismissed the idea rather quickly. Wedding DJ's are notoriously cheesy and Luke figured that the chances were pretty good that this particular song would have been played no matter what. Still, hearing the familiar beat, he couldn't help but feel a certain stir of emotion.

Deciding to go with his instincts, Luke started walking across the dance floor towards Grace.

"Thank you Kool and the Gang." he thought to himself as he moved past the swaying bodies of the other guests "I just hope my judgement is better then your musical talents."

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Grace stared morosely at the half-eaten piece of wedding cake in front of her. She'd taken it to be polite, it seemed like bad manners to refuse a person's wedding cake, but she was in no mood to finish it. After their brief encounter outside the church, Grace had been waiting expectantly for Luke to continue the conversation. All through dinner and during the rather lengthy speeches her mind had raced, going over all the possibilities of what he might say to her. Of course, she wasn't exactly sure what Luke had been about to say, but Grace held the hope that he might forgive her. If that happened, then it was possible that she and Luke could begin again, take up where they had left off all those years ago. The odds of that might seem slim, especially when you took into account their recent history, but there was a small chance and Grace clung to it.

However, as things were going, it seemed as if she was hoping in vain. The speeches had ended well over two hours ago and still, Luke had not attempted to talk to her. She'd seen him circulating around the room, mingling, but he never seemed to move in her direction. What the hell was he waiting for? He'd approached her before, but now it seemed as if Luke was back to avoiding her.

Grace could see him now, across the room, standing with a bunch of Joan's ditzy friends. While she was sitting over here waiting, he was chatting away with a bunch of twittering, giggling girls!

"I swear," she fumed, " if he doesn't stop screwing around and finish what he started at the church, I'm going to go over there and make him talk to me...even if I have to beat it out of him! Hell, I'll beat him anyways, just for the fun of it!"

Grace's inner rant was interrupted when she noticed an elderly couple at the next table staring at her. Looking down, she realized that in her frustration she'd used her fork to mash the piece of cake into a fine, messy paste.

"Not a big fan of coconut." she told the couple lamely. The two septuagenarians just looked away, probably in fear.

The truth was, Grace wasn't going to go over and force a confrontation with Luke. While she held out the hope that he would forgive her and perhaps they could try again, she feared that, in fact, he was actually going to destroy that hope. Grace didn't think she could handle that. In the last little while, she had come to realize how empty her life had become without Luke. The idea that the emptiness might be permanent was too much for her. That was why she was sitting here, making as mess of her pastry, instead of going over to speak to him. Grace wanted desperately to know what he had to say, but at the same time, she feared what it might be.

Listlessly, she scooped a bit of the cake-paste onto her fork. Lifting it to her mouth, she paused as a familiar, yet annoying, tune started up. Dropping her fork onto the plate, Grace put her head in hands.

"Of all the damn songs!" she whispered to herself, " 'Celebration'? This DJ should be shot."

As the all-too-familiar sounds of Kool and the Gang permeated the reception hall, Grace's mind flashed back to her and Luke and the special meaning that this odious tune had for them.

"_A shared experience of dissonance creates its own harmony."_

With a sudden resolve, Grace stood up from the table. She was going to walk over to Luke and finish the conversation he'd started earlier. She was afraid, but let that stop her. Four years ago she'd let fear drive her away from the best thing she'd ever had, there was no way that Grace was going to let it prevent her from correcting that mistake. Looking over to where she'd seen him standing, Grace noticed that Luke was no longer there. Turning to search the crowd, Grace found herself to-to-face with him.

"Grace," Luke said, his tone belying his nervousness, "Would you...would you like to dance?"

**A/N:** I'm already well stuck into the next chapter so I hope to have it up in a few hours. (Crosses fingers and hopes it's not a lie) There will be resolution soon, I promise! Thanks to all who've reviewed, it's kept me going!


	9. Chapter 9

**Title:** All That Is Left

**Notes: **Alright. Not much to say. Thanks to Shadowcrawler for suggesting "Here By Me" by Three Doors Down for the song. And, thanks to everyone who has reviewed. Hope you enjoy!

Chapter 9

"Would you...would you like to dance"

Luke was almost as shocked as Grace when he heard himself ask her to dance. He'd come over to her, knowing that they needed to talk, but in truth he'd had no idea what he was supposed to say. When she had turned around to face him, Luke had just blurted out the first thing that came to mind.

Looking surprised and a little incredulous, Grace seemed uncertain of how to respond. Of all the things that she had figured Luke might say to her, an invitation to "cut the rug" was not one she'd even remotely expected. The request seemed ridiculous. Here they were, two people with numerous issues to work out, who'd been at each other's throats just yesterday and Luke's solution seemed to be dancing...to "Celebration" no less. Sheer madness! It was on the tip of her tongue to point this out to him, but looking into Luke's eyes, Grace could see a certain nervous hope that caused a flutter in her stomach. Forgetting all her objections, she just gave a small nod.

Luckily for them both, at that moment the sounds of Kool and the Gang were replaced by another selection. Grace smiled slightly as she heard the opening bars of the song. It seemed the DJ, in a rare display of taste often absent from wedding DJ's, had chosen to play something that didn't sound like it came from the "100 of the Cheesiest Songs" box set.

Taking her hand, Luke led Grace out onto the dance floor. Slowly, they assumed the classic dance pose, his one hand on her hip, hers on his shoulder, their other hands clasped together. Luke was vaguely aware of his mother's eyes tracking them as he and Grace slowly began to move with the music.

_I hope you're doing fine out there without me  
'Cause I'm not doing so good without you  
The things I thought you'd never know about me  
Were the things I guess you always understood_

They were both stiff at first, awkward. It had been a long time since they'd been this close to one another and those years seemed like a physical presence between them. There arms held a rigidity that was more appropriate for seventh graders at their first dance, then two people who had once been lovers. Both avoided making eye contact with the other. Grace kept her eyes fixed over Luke's shoulder, while he cast his gaze at their joined hands.

_So how could I have been so blind for all these years?  
Guess I only see the truth through all this fear,_

_And living without you…_

They swayed gently to the melody, both feeling unsure and anxious. Not used to dancing, Luke mistimed his footwork and stepped lightly on Grace's foot. Looking directly at her for the first time, he gave a small, apologetic smile. Grace's nervousness was lessened by his expression and she muttered a playful, "Geek." in response. The tension seemed to ease slightly with this small interaction and they held each other's gaze a few moments longer then necessary.

_And everything I had in this world  
And all that I'll ever be  
It could all fall down around me.  
Just as long as I have you,  
Right here by me._

The mood lightened, Grace and Luke slowly began to relax into one another. Luke slid his arm around Grace, placing his palm on her lower back. Without thinking, Grace responded by sliding her hand from Luke's shoulder to the back of his neck, pulling him to her. Their bodies, as if acting on instinct or perhaps memory, drew closer, fitting together in a way that was achingly familiar to them both.

_I can't take another day without you  
'Cause baby, I could never make it on my own  
I've been waiting so long, just to hold you  
And be back in your arms where I belong_

Luke breathed in her scent, that smell that he could only describe as being distinctly Grace. Leaning in closer, trying to surround himself with it, he placed his cheek lightly against her forehead. To Grace, it seemed as if the entire world had been reduced to certain sensations, the feel of Luke's warm breath on her hair, the heat of where their bodies touched, the way his fingers curled around hers, pulling their joined hand in close. With intense clarity, she realized that this was what had been missing from her life for so long, what she'd allowed her fear to rob from her. No longer however. In that instant, the only thing she feared was that the music would stop and the moment might end.

_Sorry I can't always find the words to say  
But everything I've ever know gets swept away  
Inside of your love…_

"Luke," Grace said quietly, unable to look up at him, "I'm sorry... I'm so sorry! I just..." Grace stopped, unable to continue. "Shhh." Luke whispered in her ear, holding her tightly, "I know." Pulling back slightly, Grace looked up into his face. She found herself staring into blue eyes that held both acceptance and forgiveness. Moving her hand from his neck, she placed it on Luke's cheek, brushing her thumb lightly across his skin. Closing his eyes at her touch, Luke's mind shut out all objections and fears as he leaned forward and captured Grace's lips with his own.

_And everything I had in this world  
And all that I'll ever be  
It could all fall down around me.  
Just as long as I have you,  
Right here by me._

The moment their lips touched, the rest of the world just seemed to fade away. The reception hall, the couples dancing around them, even the music just disappeared. All either one of them could focus on was the way it felt to kiss the other, a feeling that each had been missing for far too long. Grace felt as if her heart were expanding, filling the emptiness that had plagued her life. As Luke's lips moved across hers, she wondered how she had ever given this up and wanted nothing more then to make up for lost time.

Inside Luke, a battle was being waged. The emotional walls that he had built to protect himself were crumbling in a rush of feeling. The walls were thick, high, and well defended, yet they could not stand against the onslaught. Standing there, kissing Grace, Luke allowed himself to truly feel for the first time in years, experiencing all those wonderful emotions that only Grace could stir in him and which he had denied himself for so long.

Finally, oxygen requirements forced them to part and they both stepped back, panting slightly. Suddenly, Luke took Grace's hand and began pulling her off the dance floor. He didn't say a word, but Grace could sense his urgency and happily let him lead her through the crowd towards the exit to the foyer. In truth, at that moment she would have followed him anywhere.

Luke pushed through the door and out into the relative quiet of the empty foyer. Releasing Grace's hand, he turned to face her. She smiled at him expectantly, placing her hands on his shoulders and leaning forward for another kiss.

There was nothing in the world that Luke wanted more then to taste her lips again, but he knew that if he did, he'd be lost.

"Grace," he said, pulling back, "Wait." He could see a look of slight confusion and worry cross her face and it took all his will not to banish it with a kiss.

"Don't get shy on me now Girardi." Grace said with uncertain levity, "It's been awhile and I think we need the practice." Moving forward, she was surprised when he stopped her again.

"Hold on Grace." Luke said, taking a step back. "What...what are we doing?" His voice betrayed the turmoil inside him and Grace could see the fear behind his eyes.

"They call it kissing." said Grace, trying to cover her confusion and worry with humour, "It leads to making up and, if you play your cards right, maybe something a whole lot sweatier." She tried to give him a mischievous smile, but it faltered as she realized that he wasn't laughing. Taking a tentative step towards him, she looked him straight in the eye, "Isn't that what this is about...you and I getting back together?"

When he didn't answer, Grace pushed on, trying to quell the sick feeling building in her stomach. "I thought maybe that was...I mean, I was hoping..." Grace floundered, unable to phrase her thoughts in the face of his silence. "You can't tell me that kiss didn't mean anything!" she said forcefully, as if daring him to contradict her.

"You're right, I can't." said Luke sadly, as if he didn't want to be saying the words, "Kissing you again was perhaps the best thing I've ever done. It's definitely the best I've felt in four years."

"Okay." said Grace, relieved, "So let's get back to doing what feels good." Reaching out for him, she paused as the sad look did not leave his face.

"I'm sorry Grace." Luke said, his voice thick with emotion, "I can't do this again."

"I thought you forgave me. Isn't that what you meant in there?" Grace was feeling desperate. A moment ago it seemed as if they were on the cusp of something wonderful, now it all seemed to be slipping away. "How many times can I say 'I'm sorry'? It was stupid. There were just so many things I wanted to do and I thought that I wouldn't be able to if we were together. I was scared...I..." Grace's voice took on a pleading note which she despised, but couldn't avoid. "It doesn't matter now. We can be happy again. Please, just forgive and forget."

"I've already forgiven you Grace. That's not the problem."

Grace watched as Luke reached into his jacket pocket and pulled something out. Reaching out with his other hand, he took her hand and dropped the objects into it. Opening her palm, Grace saw two rings.

"I've waited four years to give you those. I had originally planned to give them to you before I went away to MIT, but we both know why that didn't happen." Luke's face was a mask of pain and regret, but he continued. "They were supposed to be symbol of our bond, of how our love could endure anything..."

Grace looked at the rings in her hand, her heart filling with awe at their meaning, as well as their simple beauty. She longed to slip one on her finger, to declare to him that they could still hold that meaning.

"...and it did. I've loved you, whether I could admit it to myself or not, for the last four years." Luke stopped, seemingly unable to continue.

"I've loved you too." Grace told him fiercely, grabbing his hand. "I didn't realize until recently just what I'd lost, but I know now, and I want it back! We can be together again Luke." she looked into his, eyes, willing him to believe her, "I love you."

Luke looked at her for a long moment before speaking. "You left me Grace. We loved each other, needed each other, and still you left me." his voice became bitter, expressing the bottled pain of four long years. "You say that you still love me, that you want us to be together again; for how long? How long will it be before you run off for another adventure or decide that you want something else?"

Grace stood stunned, unable to answer his questions, unable to even meet his eyes.

"You left me once Grace and it destroyed me. I can't go through that again."

"So you're going to shut everything out?" cried Grace, not believing that this second chance was passing them by, "Forget love, forget happiness, you're just going to stick to being cold, indifferent and lonely?"

Luke stared at her with an expression of pained resignation. "I can't give that up Grace," he said quietly, "It's all I have left."

Turning away from her, Luke made his way towards the exit, needing to escape the reception, escape the building, escape _her_.

"I love you Luke!" Grace called, "I love you!"

Stopping at the door, Luke looked back at her and spoke three words that echoed across four years, back to her porch and that long-ago summer night. Words, she herself had spoken.

"It isn't enough."

Luke pushed open the door and made his way into the cold night. Left alone in the empty foyer, Grace tried to understand what had just happened. In her palm she held the rings he had given her. Once they had been meant to bind them together, now they were only a reminder of everything she had lost. Closing her fist tightly around them, Grace squeezed until the rings made painful indentations into her skin. She didn't care.

"Pain," she thought to herself, "that's all that _I_ have left." With that thought, the floodgates finally broke and Grace began to sob.

TBC

**A/N:** Pretty damn melodramatic eh? Lots of people suggested that Luke should give Grace the titanium rings, but I'm pretty sure that this wasn't what they had in mind. Call it willful misinterpretation. I know many of you thought it was going to be resolved here and would now be very angry if I left it. So, stick with me for one more chapter and I'll make it better, I promise.


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